Name: Kimberly Fobbs
Year you graduated high school: 2004
Year you found out you were pregnant: 2008
Number of children: 2
The Uh Oh Moment: I found out I was pregnant during my third semester at Fulton Montgomery Community College. I remember specifically my roommate told me in March 2008 that she had a dream I had a child. I told her she was tripping and went to visit my family and boyfriend at the time in the city. That weekend I conceived my first born Tyler.
Around May, I started to feel sick every morning. My roommate and best friend, Evana said, “Girlllll, I think you pregnant!” I just looked at her. I paid the morning sickness no mind and just kept going to class. It wasn’t until I craved for green apples and chocolate milk that I really believed I was pregnant. I went home for the summer. Once I was back home I went to St. Luke Roosevelt’s to take a pregnancy test. May 14th, 2008 I found out I was almost two months pregnant!
The moment the nurse confirmed I was pregnant all I could think was…..DAMN (Farooq from WWE voice). See, the relationship between Tyler’s father and I was complicated. He cheated on me previously. We had broken up and didn’t see nor speak to one another for a year. He eventually called me and I decided this is the time to get revenge; make him feel all the pain and frustration I felt. We got back together and I could not pull myself to cheat on him. No matter how much he has put me through or the pain I felt and still was feeling, I just couldn’t do it.
Fast forward to the doctor’s office May 14th, 2008, I knew I didn’t want to be with him. I knew before I left school to come home for the summer that I was going to end the relationship. Now they tell me I’m pregnant by the man I have grown to despise. Do I stay with him and try to make it work? Do I end the relationship amicably and we raise the child together as responsible adults?
The Mom Moment: The moment I became a mom was when Tyler’s father told me if I am not going to be with him he will not be a part of the child’s life (we didn’t know the sex of the baby yet). This was a week after I found out I was pregnant. I told him “Ok… it’s your decision but if you ever change your mind you can always be a part of the child’s life.” From that moment I knew I had to be a mother for my son. Bad enough he didn’t have his father. I had to be an exceptional mother and father.
***Any man can be a father. It takes a real man to be a dad***
Father/Dad: When Tyler’s sperm donor (that is what I call him because I don’t feel he deserve the title of father or even dad) told me he wouldn’t be a part of Tyler’s life. I took it for face value. I never called him. He was absent for my entire pregnancy. I had my baby shower December 13th, 2008 (Tyler was due December 29th, 2008) he came to the baby shower (he wasn’t invited but my sister told him where I would be having it). I was admitted to the hospital December 29th, 2008. I was not ready to give birth so they induced me (medication to make the cervix open so the baby can exit).
The next day came, I wasn’t dilating. New Year’s Eve, I remember lying in the hospital being depressed. Knowing my son is coming into a world to a man that doesn’t and wouldn’t care.
January 1st came and went. At 1:30 am my best friend and former roommate from college entered my hospital room. I was so excited to see her along with my mother and father. I didn’t expect to give birth anytime soon because I still hadn’t dilated. By 1:45 am the doctors came in to inform me Tyler wasn’t getting any air and that he could possibly die. I began to panic. They put an oxygen mask over my face to try to get oxygen to him until my cervix dilated. By 2:05 am the doctors told me they were taking me for an emergency C-section.
At that moment Tyler’s sperm donor walked into the hospital room. I really did not want him to come into the room with me to deliver; I wanted my mom there. When it came down to it I felt like I would regret not allowing him to see his son be born. I am glad I did because he hasn’t seen Tyler since!
Them vs. You: My parents are the coolest, strictest parents —if that makes sense— ever! They passed on morals and traditions that their parents did and didn’t give them. My parents never believed in hitting their children. They believe children respond better when you talk to them and you both get an understanding of where each one is coming from. My parents taught me patience and understanding when dealing with my children.
At one point in time, my mother and I weren’t seeing eye to eye. I was staying with my parents because I was having a hard time finding a job and keeping an apartment with no income. Although I needed to stay with my parents, I decided to leave with my children. By going through that, I found my strength and my weakness at the same time. Although I proved to myself I can make it, I yearned for my parents. That ordeal made me appreciate my parents and children; they make me who I am today!
The confidence of my parents made me extremely confident that I would be a terrific parent. I was nervous during both pregnancies. I was nervous because this is another life that solely depends on you. These little people are the only people to hear your heart beat from the inside and love you unconditionally; no matter your flaws or how others feel about you. You will always be your child’s hero as long as you do what you’re supposed to do.
Fearful Moment: I was becoming more and more depressed because I couldn’t find a job. I felt depressed because I would look at my children and I couldn’t provide for them. My children would ask for things and I knew I couldn’t get it for them if their father didn’t have it. I never felt comfortable depending on anyone. It sent me in such a depressing spiral, I began to lose weight, my hair fell out and I was going to the hospital having problems with my blood pressure. After my health was declining I began to think about the moments with my children and then imagining dying by the age of 30 and leaving my children behind at the tender ages of 7(Tyler) and 5 (Sasha).
Fearless Moment: My first born saved my life literally! I was running the streets, fighting, on probation for an attempted murder charge that was reduced to assault, selling drugs, taking trips out of town…a lot of things I shouldn’t have been into. My children made me a better person. They made me want much more out of life. I didn’t care for myself much. Dying wasn’t a fear but a reality. Having children made me value life, family, morals and most importantly ME! I know I have to take care and love myself so I can be here for my children. Before I had children my worst fear was going to jail. Now my worst fear is not being here on this earth to see my children grow and mature.
Support System: I have a great support system, from my parents to my best friends.
When I told my parents I was pregnant with each of my children, they knew I would be a terrific parent. They felt from watching me assist with the raising of my two brothers I would be an exceptional parent. They were totally right!! I went to all my prenatal appointments with my mom, dad, or sister.
Now when I told my closest friends I was pregnant, on both occasions they were sooooooooo excited! My friends have been there throughout both pregnancies; from the cravings to buying any and everything my kids wanted or needed.
God blessed me and I met a man who stepped up as Tyler’s father and gave me a beautiful baby girl, Sasha. Although things did not work out between us, he is constantly around his children never missing a moment with them. My son and daughter have an amazing bond with their FATHER and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Final Thoughts: I found my strength in my children. I live for them! Without their love and existence I don’t believe I would be alive. I thank God every day for giving me my angels in human form. No matter how hard it is or if I struggle I appreciate every moment, minute, hour, day, week, month, and year God blesses me to spend with them. All I want is for God to allow me the strength and health to see my children graduate college, get married, and have children (even if it doesn’t happen in that order I will still be happy just to be in their presence) and I pray my children live long after I’m gone. Every night I pray for these two things to come into fruition!