Year you graduated high school: Still in high school
Year you found out you were pregnant: 2012
Number of children: 1
The Uh Oh Moment: I was 15 when I found out I was pregnant. I was at school with an old friend in the bathroom; she had brought me the test. [I thought], “This cant be real.” I started laughing because I seriously thought it was a joke.
The Mom Moment: I had a hard time “connecting,” if you will, with the baby while I was pregnant. I had heard so many women talking about how they read to their bellies and how they would feel such a connection and what not. Sad to admit, but I did not feel as if I loved my baby during my pregnancy. There were many reasons for this, but overall it was hard for me to enjoy pregnancy. I never thought of myself as a mom. It wasn’t until the moment I held my son for the first time that I thought “Wow, I’m a mom.” That was the moment it all became real for me.
***Any man can be a father. It takes a real man to be a dad.***
Father/Dad: There is no relationship whatsoever with my son’s father. No contact.
He was supportive. We were trying to work things out in the beginning (we had broken up almost 3 months before I found out I was pregnant. I found out very late). It didn’t work out, but we stayed in touch and talked once in a while. A month before my son was born he decided he would rather choose drugs and partying over seeing his son. So, once the baby came he only saw him a few times for a quick visit and we have had no contact; besides recently dealing with mediation and soon, court.
Them vs. You: I do some things the same as I was raised, but I do many things differently. My son is very much like me, so things that didn’t work with me, I do not do with him (example: spanking) and things that worked with me, I do with him. I appreciate the fact that my parents raised me in the church. I am raising him in the church. He just got dedicated a few weeks ago 🙂 (this past Mother’s Day).
My parents never said anything that was hurtful or harsh. They were very supportive. It helped me greatly that they never said anything negative, because I was hard enough on myself.
Fearful Moment: My lowest moment(s) was the first few months of my son’s life. He was very fussy and never slept. It was very stressful and I was very sick, so it was hard to enjoy my time with my baby, but that didn’t change the love I had for him.
Fearless Moment: His first step; just because my son was so dependent on me for everything. It made me so proud to see him starting to do something on his own. Before, he wouldn’t even sit down to play with a toy. He was always in my arms.
Support System: My closest friend was shocked, but one of the first things she said was “WE will get through this.” That meant, and stills means the world to me, knowing she will always be by my side through this journey.
I find my strength in the Lord. Some days it is so hard for me to do anything, but I know that the Lord will carry me through, because he always has. I also find my strength in my son. Everything I do is for him. When I feel like I can’t go on, I think about him and I know I have to finish school and work hard for my baby.
Parenting (especially being a single parent, and being this young) is tremendously hard. But it is so rewarding. I have been through a lot and I have completely turned myself around for my son. I am thankful the Lord gave me my boy, because without him I wouldn’t be who I am today. He saved me.
J. Smith hopes to graduate early by the end of this year and plans to go to community college for 2 years and then go on to law school.