This man of color, this DAD, is talking to me about his teenage son and what he needs. He goes, “WE’RE not doing too well in math. WE’RE at a 60 right now. WE actually went down a little bit.”

I had to stop him and have the son recognize what his father was doing. That simple use of a pronoun makes a major difference. I shook that man’s hand heartily.

I then told him I’m always taking noted from the parents around me for the day I have my own. He tells me, “Take your time!”

Noted Sir.



  1. I would actually have to disagree with you here. To say “WE only got a 60” makes the child feel like they are somehow letting you down by slipping in their grades. I think a child’s merit should be given to them as an individual and they should be allowed the freedom to determine who they are, what they judge their performance levels to be, and what they eventually want to be. The trouble with saying “WE’RE not doing too well in math” is that the child loses ownership of their own successes/failures. ALSO, my belief is that parents should be focusing on celebrating the wonderful little successes their child makes, and building their confidence as an individual – rather than putting a child down by belittling their successes.

    I must admit that I am not a parent and so can only build my judgement on parenting techniques I have witnessed.
    I was raised to be a free individual and my parents have never suppressed me or took ownership of my successes/failures. Me and my two brothers have all been raised to be free and pursue whatever life we wish, and have all turned our well and happy people who are not focused on grades/merit – but rather on doing things which make us happy – would you not rather your child grew up like that?
    Focus on THEIR happiness and success, and they will be happy and successful. 🙂

    K x


    1. I completely understand and partially agree with you.

      I’m coming from a place where paternal involvement, let alone concern, is little to nothing. Fathers are not and refuse to be around, even when they are physically and financially capable. I saw it as a dad who was telling his son that he is NOT in this alone and that his Dad is here to share his burden. But I do LOVE what you said about celebrating their successes, no matter how minor. As well as the child having ownership of their successes or failures. I love the way you and your brothers were raised. When it’s my time (I am not a parent yet either, but have worked with all ranges of children for over 10 years) I will work to find a happy medium between full encouragement and faith and the “partnership” this Dad showed.



      1. Yes, absolutely! I see where you’re coming from there! Having loving parents is definitely important for children, and you can see that this father in question loves his son very much! Happy medium is definitely the way to go, just love them for who they are 🙂 K x


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