I’ve been talking about the third point for the longest and some females still won’t let it sink in. But it is absolute TRUTH…if you know the right guy with the right mind and the right pair of eyes. And they ARE out there.
So let me paint the scene.
An Asian mom gets on the train with two kids and a rather big book bag (not a purse or stylish tote bag…a book bag). The girl, age 2 at the most, is being carried and sits on the mom’s lap. The boy, 4 or 5 years old, is a little tank full of energy! As she is trying to get from point A to B, the little boy is trying to climb over, around, and through her just to look out of the window behind him. While trying to hold her daughter, she is also extending an arm out to make sure the popcorn kinetic boy does not fall.
Insert middle aged white woman. She is sitting next to them, smiling away at the “show” this family apparently agreed to put on. While she is blindly admiring the boy’s innocent rambunctiousness, he is completely unaware of the mom’s weary, worn, and utterly exhausted expression, as she is now on autopilot, aware only of her surroundings and her kids’ movements (surprisingly very quick to respond to every move they make to enjoy their safety. But her expression was completely blank.
So the oblivious, assumingly childless, financially stable woman saw this…
…but her obliviousness to motherhood, especially regarding women of color/working women, made her completely blind to this
If she would have been less subjective and more sympathetic, she would have realized that this mom is going through the most, and she rather not be gawked at with adoration of unwanted, unruly, and exhausting behavior from a child who is old enough to know better. But I’m open to others’ interpretations of this scene.
As humans, we have a natural instinct to be protective of those we love. Whether it be a significant other or a family member. This instinct makes us want to help when we can. To offer guidance or solutions – but sometimes, this isn’t the best course of action to take.
As men, we need to understand that women don’t want us to solve their problems for them, but rather to be a support system to listen and understand while they discover their own solutions.
Here are five times that this rings true.
She is having a fight with her friend.
A woman’s relationships with her friends are often outside the realm of her relationship with her boyfriend. When offering advice or getting involved, we run the risk of saying something offensive or sounding like we may disapprove of one of her friends. This can only lead to awkwardness in…
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The Uh Oh Moment: The day I found out I was pregnant…I remember it like it was yesterday. I was 18, just finished high school, and living in an over priced efficiency apartment with my at the time boyfriend Justin. I remember who was there for each test. Each reaction was different.
The Mom Moment: For my first son, I was so in love with his father. When I saw positive on the test I cried my first tears of pure joy! I thought, “Oh dang, it just got real.” It was perfect. When Jaedin (my oldest) came into this world summer of 2007, I thought instantly, “I’m a mom.” Then came Adrian the following year, and Cameron this past year.
***Any man can be a father. It takes a real man to be a dad.***
Father/Dad: My relationship with my children’s fathers was always so up and down. Of course after we split is when ish really hits the fan. Men are worried about “baby momma drama” well trust me, baby daddy drama does exist! It seemed their fathers would do things sometimes just out of spite, just to make me miserable; knock me down. And it worked sometimes. But we all grow up at some point and I like to think we have good relationships as parents. I’ve even maintain a friendship with one. Which is what kids need to see; good role models.
It seemed like through each pregnancy it was something. Each one seemed stressful and never ending. It seemed as if that’s when the majority of our issues began. And after pregnancy, it just got harder. Arguments got worse, love was lost. As far as our relationship as parents, we don’t always agree, but I like to believe now since we are older, we are able to put our differences aside.
But my children’s fathers are definitely dads. They may get on my nerves, do dumb things, and fight with me about any and everything, but that doesn’t take from being a good dad! 🙂
Them vs. You: I’ve been told I’m like my mother! I wasn’t raised by my father. My mom was a single mother and also had children with different fathers. It wasn’t till I was 9 that she found my step dad…the best step dad a girl could ask for! He treated us all like his own!
I feel the way I was raised made me who I am; respectful, strong, kind, gentle-hearted, etc. I think I turned out okay so I think my boys are headed in the same direction. So far I’m proud to say I have wonderful boys…young men…and they have so much more life to go to make me even prouder. 🙂
The harshest thing I was told? I honestly can’t recall any negativity. I do know they said before, “Haven’t [I] learned how to use birth control?” But it was all in fun. Everyone was always excited!
Fearful Moment: I’ve had a few low moments as a parent. I’ve been away from my oldest because his father took him from me, and through the court system with my middle against his father because he just didn’t want him to be with me since I moved out of state. It seemed like their fathers were so against me and I couldn’t understand why. But later on I heard “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”
Fearless Moment: My favorite moment is when my children said “I love you” with meaning, not just because I was saying it. At that moment, as a parent, you know you must be doing something right! Seems like an “I love you mom” makes a grey day totally brighten up, and all the negative is washed away!
Support System: Honestly, I don’t think my friends cared either way if I was pregnant or not. [They were] happy for me I suppose. Ha! But of course when you become pregnant, your “friends” become distant because you can no longer do the things they want to do and you’re always tired and just want to sleep whenever you can!
My boys are my world. I’m a young single mother. Yes I enjoy me time here and there but I also enjoy cuddling in bed with my kids, watching kid movies, parks, the zoo; anything for the kids. I wouldn’t trade my life as a parent for anything. Its one…well 3 of my greatest accomplishments.
I am a mom because nothing gives me more pleasure than watching them sleep so peaceful with not a care in the world. I am a mom because I talk about them the majority of the day, and not even on purpose, but because they are such a big part of my life and I love them more than I think I love myself. I’ve made mistakes. I’m not perfect. But I’ve got perfectly beautiful children out of the “choices” I’ve made in life. To me, That’s more than I could ever ask for.
Im not “putting up with a choice I made.” I made a choice to do the things that make a baby. And then I made the choice to take the road with no foot prints. We made our own. And if given the choice right now to take it all away…I would never! I would never trade the sleepless nights, the comforting when they are sick, watching their achievements, seeing them grow, feeling their emotions, sharing an unbreakable bond. I am a mom because God had it in his plans for me.
Graduated high school: 2006
Year you found out you were pregnant: 2006
Number of children: 3