Sixteen

All I have is a name that she gave to me.

At some point
I’m assuming
I was everything to you
The family loved you
Does that mean I loved you?

If you found me
You would find out
I became a man
In no mans land
At 26
I can count my serious girlfriends on one hand
I hate to plan
I’m not a die hard Anything’s fan
And I’ve been standing on the teachings of males
with no genetic obligation to me
Yet would hate to see me fail

I didn’t Google how to shave
I just knew to go with with or against the grain
and to this day
I still don’t know the difference between either

Why aren’t you looking for me?

Is it because men didn’t travel
from now ancient lands
to hand me exotic gifts
that I had no idea what to do with?
I don’t even know if you’re religious.

Why wouldn’t you search for your offspring?
Why aren’t you seeking the heir to your knowledge and being?

Why wouldn’t you look for the successor of your mannerisms and know-hows?
Is there someone else in line?

Why have I never crossed your mind long enough
for you to just
reach out
Just once

What burdens were YOU carrying
As she carried me for nine months?!
Did you hold me for the first time and say,
“One day son, I’ll be gone…
Alive and well,
I’ll just be elsewhere.”

Did you have nicknames for me?
Did I cry for her when you playfully threw me in the air
When laughter turned to fear
Did you catch me in an embrace when I was on the brink of freaking out and say,
“I’m just playing with you boy.”

Did you brag about me to your friends?
Did I have a place in your wallet?

You know my favorite uncle saw me as one of his own.
(God rest his soul)
How did you see me?

All I have is your name and you didn’t bother to give it to me.

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