Pregnancy Scare #1; Fearless Mom: Daneka

Name: Daneka McRae                                                        IMG_20131208_180132 (1)

Age: 29

Graduated high school: 2002

P.S.: August 2003

Number of children: 2

The Uh-Oh Moment: I found out I was pregnant in my freshman year of college. I was 18. My first thoughts were, “My mother is going to kill me and I am not ready to have a baby; and neither is he.”

The Mom Moment: I was a Mom before my time because I raised my little brother. I always had a motherly instinct. When I had my own (in December 2009, then again January 2011) it was just naturally who I was already…a mom.

Meet 4 year old Amare and 2 year old Amir.
Meet 4 year old Amare and 2 year old Amir.

***Any man can be a father. It takes a real man to be a dad.***

 Father/ Dad? He’s a father.

 When we found out we were having our first son he was extremely happy. The pregnancy was great emotionally, yet physically draining, but he was very supportive. With our second son, it was the  complete opposite. I felt like he was very distant and inconsistent and didn’t really want to be around.

We are not together but legally married. I find it very difficult to co-parent with him because of our history.

How far did the apple fall from the tree? I feel like he caught the apple in his hand. Neither his father or mother was around. She dropped him off with his grandmother.

His mother would see him for a few days or weeks. She showed love by saying “I love you” and to her, that was enough. She did not go the extra mile.

Them vs. You: Surprisingly my parents said nothing harsh about the pregnancy, but more so about the father. It hurt my feelings because I was so “in love” at the time. I wanted them to see him like I did. Instead they saw right past that. But their criticism made me stronger. Whenever he slacked off I did double or sometimes triple the efforts for our sons and gave him the credit just to prove them wrong. I became a single, married mother quickly.

I feel like my parents and I have similar parenting styles, but I carry more of how my grandmother raised and took care of my mom,my aunts, and uncles. I get a lot of advice from her.

Fearful Moment Having the boys watch me and their father fight. Having them watch me get physically assaulted by their father and laughing. Moving from NY to Massachusetts.

Fearless Moment Just thinking about how far they have come and grown even in a short period of time.

Family first.
Family first.

Support System Prayer, my family, my best friends, and my children.

My best friend was SUPER EXCITED! My best friend is my children’s Godmother. She is actually helping me in co-parenting my children being that we moved out of state.

Final thoughts The first time I got pregnant I was 18. I was secretly excited but I knew my mother would be extremely disappointed in me which is why I had an abortion (poor excuse). I still think about it everyday. It was scary. If I ever had any regrets in life, that would be the only one. After that experience I said I would focus and graduate college, get a job, get married, and have children. I do think I got married too quickly. We eloped and had a wedding party… long story short my marriage failed. I was in a marriage and relationship filled with Domestic Violence. I am at a loss for words right now. If you have any questions or want to know more in regards to my story feel free to email me mcraedaneka@gmail.com

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Balls Out Just Chillin’

Takes a village…or a room full of testosterone…to raise a child.

Gotta Luvjones

 

So for those who haven’t heard, this clumsy blogger broke her foot last Saturday; and while I wish I could tell a funny story about a sex position gone wrong or a large, fire engulfed car chase, I have to just settle for the stupidest truth in history—I tripped over the curb.  But as I am a firm believer in making margaritas out of lemons, I have used this time to not only slow myself down from the everyday grind but to also be nosey.  Helping me with that is my amazing (and very sexy) nurse as he gives me his opinion on the top five places young men need to spend time in growing up in order for them to receive the right amount of dude programing.  Yes, believe it or not, there are locations that actually play a major part in what makes men the way they…

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I Know Better…

I am not a parent.

I came close to being one twice. My first close call was around 16 years old. The young lady I was involved with lived ways away from me and we weren’t in a relationship. I was at her house one evening (when mom was away; you know how it was back in the day) and she gave me the news before things got hot and heavy.

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Needless to say I went limp.

But then I started thinking with the head on my shoulders. Fear kicked in immediately. I’m not going to be dramatic and say my life flashed before my eyes, but I was definitely at a lost for words. So I asked what any sympathetic, sensitive, and selfless male teen would ask…,

“What do YOU want to do about it?”

Her answer…well, as I said, I am NOT a parent.

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So I will not pretend I have an authoritative voice on parenting. I will not pass judgement on those who did become young parents. I don’t want to tell anyone how to do their parental duties.

But I HAVE been working around and with children since I was a child (age 14). I have extensively  worked with kids from ages 1 to 18. I’ve mentored youth from all socioeconomic bankgrounds (not a typo). I’ve tended to needy and the special needs kids. I’ve seen fatherless offsprings and nanny-full, privileged ungratefuls.  I have countless hours of training from Ages and Stages to Child Abuse Prevention. The only differences between a parent and myself; I get to give the kids back at the end of the day and a few more hours of sleep. Other than that, WE ARE ALL still learning.

And with that said, these stories are meant to be lessons. Lessons on life, lessons on love, lessons about perseverance, and most importantly, PROGRESS. Anyone can become a parent overnight; but it takes a lifetime and commitment to become a Mom/Dad.

“Without struggle, there is no progress.”  download (2)

– Frederick Douglass

These are raw accounts from real people. How that first thought of flight turned into a fight to bring a new life in this world and be the best thing this baby has ever seen. I hope you enjoy and take something of value from the development of these primary caregivers.

Spread the word.